First week of 2017, almost complete… and I’m actually feeling more at peace with my body than I have in… a really long time. Now I don’t know if this is because I’ve finally just become exhausted of the binge-starve cycle, or I have finally found a way of living a healthy lifestyle without feeling deprived (thank you Inspiralized!) but honestly, this time feels so different.
I feel like for the first time in my life, I’m actually listening to my body and giving it what it needs. In the past I’ve been so focused on that one, mean, abusive voice in my head, telling me I need to eat less, run more, and be perfect- and while that voice is by no means gone- it feels farther away and quieter this past week. When my body craves a little bit of ice cream at night (because let’s be real, if you don’t crave ice cream, you’re probably not human) I let myself have a couple small scoops, so I feel happy and satisfied. Combine that with the fact that I am eating delicious and filling dinners… my body is literally singing. I just feel … good.
In addition, instead of killing myself at the gym or feeling angry that I didn’t run 795 miles (kidding) I am accepting that some workout days feel better than others. Some days you crush the gym, totally wipe the floor with your sweat blood and tears. And other days, the gym crushes you- and you just lay there thinking, if I lie really still maybe someone will think I died, rush me the hospital and then I won’t have to finish this workout… For example, I’ve been doing my workouts at night the past couple of days (getting up in the AM in this brutal cold weather is getting to be quite the challenge! Ever for a morning person like myself!) So after a great workout on Wednesday night, my whole body was sore and.. I just couldn’t push myself to do my normal killer HIIT workout today. So as my legs were screaming while on the treadmill, I took a minute and thought, what would be more effective, a 20 minute modified HIIT workout, or a subpar 30 minute HIIT workout, where I was stopping every few seconds to slowly die from the pain. Needless to say, I chose the more mature option, and modified my workout to have an easier day, and focused on toning up my abs instead.
While these changes may seem insignificant to someone who doesn’t know me- to me, they are life changing. To me, this time feels different. I feel inspired to be better. I read through all the blogs of the healthy, empowered women I follow on Instagram and think, I want to be where they are- I want to be as blissful as they are.
For the longest time, I let my eating issues control my life- I let them dictate how I acted, what I said, what I ate, what I did… but I’m tired of giving it all the power. I want that power back- and this first week has shown me that I CAN take the power back. I can own it. Not once this week did I feel deprived or unhappy… and you know what? I ate zoodles, meatballs, ice cream, chocolate….. all good and nourishing foods -yes, ice cream is good for you- it nourishes the soul! (even our souls needs a little TLC)
I’m hoping I can keep up- you know what, no I KNOW I can keep up this healthy mindset this weekend. I firmly believe in the 80-20 rule and that spending time with friends is more important than consuming extra calories- but I actually believe there is a way to have the best of both. Just because I’m out to dinner with friends doesn’t mean I need to order the most decadent thing on the menu, or order a salad, or finish a bottle of wine (lol well maybe!) It just means I should eat until I’m happy, and my soul mind and body feel nourished.
Finding balance is single handedly the hardest and most exciting challenge I’ve ever faced. But I know (with your support!) I can keep heading down the right path, and embrace that beautiful sunshine.